And I used to think that getting a tacky tie was bad. A crappy tie kicks butt over a prostate exam as a birthday gift any day. However, I recently made a switch in my personal doctor and the new MD told me that, since I was near 50 anyway, I would get a prostate exam at my initial physical…kind of an early 50th birthday present.
Oh boy; lucky me.
Prostate Exam: Is the Anticipation Worse than the Actual Event?
What all you guys who are approaching this magic gift of prostate examination want me to say is, “Yes, the anticipation is way worse. The exam is actually not uncomfortable at all, and I didn’t feel at all violated.”
Yea, well, keep dreaming.
The prostate exam – or “finger wave”, as it is called – was exactly what it would seem and what you would expect. Having a gloved finger swirling around in previously non-invaded regions of my anatomy was uncomfortable - although not overly painful – and just kind of weird. My brilliant attempts at comedy, such as asking the doctor if he was going to at least buy me dinner first, fell flat. – Tough room.
Undaunted, as I left the room, I demurely looked back at him and purred “Call me?” – Again, no laughter; he just scribbled some stuff down in my folder. What’s he going to do, send a note home to my mom or something? I’m thinking of calling him for a date night, though.
Prostate Exam: The Fact is, it’s Worth it
Doctor’s office, finger wave humor aside, I’m glad I had the prostate exam done. If you do a little poking (pun intended) around the Prostate Cancer Foundation’s site like I did, you will come to understand how devastating prostate cancer can be, and how this simple few moments of uncomfortability can go a long way to preventing a dramatic shortening of your life.
WebMD has a good article on what to expect when you go for your exam. It’s titled, “Digital Rectal Examination for Prostate Problems”, and I suggest you read it. It is only a few paragraphs long, but it does a nice job of summarizing the experience.
Unfortunately, the article does not provide any quality joke material for the situation. Personally, I’m still blaming the audience. I may schedule another prostate exam with a different doctor, just so I can use the same jokes again and prove that they are, indeed, killer.
Prostate Exam: All Joking Aside
Truly, I can’t stress enough, after researching the ravages of prostate cancer, how important a prostate exam is for us middle-aged dudes. Don’t put it off; get it done now.
And if you should come up with some good in-office material during your prostate exam, please share the jokes in the comments section of this article. I’ll need to be screened again at some point, and I’m going to eventually bring that room down with laughter.
Curtis Candy - I'm an ex-professional wrestler and stand-up comic, who, after suffering impressive amounts of cranial trauma (most of it from wrestling; ...
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